Windsor Trip

Back from Windsor, Ontario.  Had a great time visiting with the various Le Blanc relatives.  This was Dennis' first visit to his "hometown" since 1988.  The nieces and nephews are all grown up with children and in one case a grandchild!  Windsor is probably the most America of all the Canadian cities due to their close proximity to Detroit.  Lot's of American business there such as Lowe's, Home Depot, Walmart, etc.  And of course Costco!  And yes, we did shop there because you know there's different merchandise at every Costco.  

One very Canadian business is Tim Horton Donuts - I can't figure out what the big deal is with these donuts - they don't have many choices and I find them to be very dense and too sweet.  But there's a Tim Horton's on almost every corner - Canadians love them!

Saw the house Dennis grew up in and he didn't recognize it.  It is a very small house, hard to believe that 9 to 13 people lived in it.  Unfortunately, it is now in what is considered a not to good part of town.   In fact, Dennis didn't recognize much of the city but then again, he has been gone for 27 years.

Windsor is very flat.   No hills or the mountains in the distance.  Lots of open fields inside Windsor as well as in the surrounding communities.  Houses are made mostly of brick and have basements something one doesn't see in Los Angeles.  However, Windsor is growing so lots of tract homes being built like one sees in America.

Here's an interesting fact - the bridge one takes to get from Detroit to Windsor is privately owned!  I didn't know that a private person could own a bridge.  

Here's what we did during our stay:  Walked along park that runs along the Detroit River on the Canadian side. A section of the park has some very interesting pieces of art.  I visited the Hiram Walker Distillery and even drank some Canadian Club Whiskey.  I really enjoyed that tour - not because of the whiskey - but because of the history of the place.  Took a walk in a great park near Juanita's and Sonny's house (where we stayed) trying to see the bald eagle that lives there - didn't see it but saw lots of geese and ducks.  Visited Amherstberg a small town outside of Windsor famous for the Battle of 1812.  Talk about beautiful homes!  Apparently quite a few wealthy Americans own the homes in this area that face the river.  Wow would I love to live there! Went to Point Pelee National park - walked out to the point which is the farest part of Canadian and is on Lake Erie.  Ate at the famous Tunnel BBQ that Dennis has been talking about for 25 years.  Also had lunch at Maleck's Deli another place I've heard about for years.  Went shopping for Canadian souvenirs for Kaylee - got lots!   Dennis played golf with his brother Gerry and nephew Aaron.  We ate and ate and ate some great meals with various family members. Experienced a thunderstorm.  Wow what a show! Probably wasn't too smart to be taking video and pictures during the storm especially when one of the bolts looked like it hit just down the street!  But it was exciting especially when it started to rain and came down in buckets with wind blowing like crazy.

It was a good time for Dennis to catch up with his family.  Dennis was able to spend lots of quality time with his brother Gerry.  Finally, we also went to the cemetery to pay our respect to Dennis' mother Roseanne, his sister Beverly and her husband Ron Steele and their son Dean.  

It was a great trip but it's nice to be home.  Now if our luggage would show up, I'd be happy!

Working

Now, don't get me wrong, I am very grateful that at 63 I have a job. I say this because every time I post something on Facebook about having a frustrating day at work I get comments from people saying "well at least you have a job" or something to that effective.  So yes I'm glad have a job.  But that being said, I  wish I didn't have to work.

Lately, I have come to realize that I don't really want to go to work everyday.  What's getting me down is that I must go to work everyday because I was not smart enough to save enough to retire early.  I'm a bit tired of the drama of working in an office.  Of having to always have everything one does approved by someone else.  Of not really being valued or appreciated or acknowledged for doing a good job.  Having my expertise questioned - after all I have been a career counselor for 20 years.  I make it a point to keep current in my field.  Last year, I completed a career specialist training program.

I miss working with college students.  There's something special about being on a college campus but I fear that I'm considered a bit too old to relate to college students.  Now I am really old enough to be their mother!  That path is most likely closed to me now.  Makes me very sad.

Too bad I'm not brave enough to start my own career counseling business.  I need the security of a consistent paycheck and employer paid health insurance at least until I'm 65.

What would I do if I had more time?  Spend it with Kaylee, volunteer, travel, play golf, so many possibilities.

Darn, why didn't I have a rich relative?  I don't need much, about as much as I make right now would be nice - on a yearly basis.

Oh well, off to work again tomorrow.

Good Bye Don

I wrote this after I learned Don de Llamas died.

We sit in your studio talking, laughing, smoking and joking.  Unfinished paintings surround us.  Paint splatters on the floor - red, green, blue, yellow, making colorful unintentional pieces of art.  You show me your most recent paintings asking me if I like them, what do I think. You value my opinion.  Then you say sit still so I can paint you.  So I sit as you sketch the outline, the shape of my body emerges, there's my hands, my short curly hair.  You start on the feature of my face; my eyes, nose and mouth.  For some reason you just can't get the hands right.  My bright red sweater.  You capture the sadness in my eyes and face....after all it's only been a short time.

Day trip with Deanna and Don.  It's a beautiful but typical San Diego day.  The sun is shinning, the sky is blue, a perfect tourist day in "America's Finest City."  It's been about 4 months now, but the pain of Gene's passing is still too strong and I know it's going to be a tough day.  So I call work and say "I just can't make it today."  They understand -- it's ok -- take the time -- heal.  I call you and say "rescue me, I'm so down, I don't think I can manage to get dressed.  You say "I'll come and get you, Deanna's in town, we'll do something fun."  And we do!  You decide you need to take pictures of, as you say, two beautiful women on the beach.  So we drive up the coast, just pass Torrey Pines.  We walk on the beach as you take pictures of the two beautiful women.  I still have the picture of Deanna and me posing on some wooden stairs.  You tell us we look beautiful but I know better...but maybe we do look nice.  We sit on the beach enjoying the sun, the sea, the sounds of the birds.  All of a sudden Deanna starts to turn red. It seems the antibiotic she's on doesn't reach well with the sun!  So off we go to a Mexican restaurant for margarita's, chips and spend time solving ours and the world's problems.

Give it a try

Why not - that's what I thought - why not give it a try.  I have been thinking a lot lately about writing something about something.  My thoughts and observations of life.  

 2013 I lost:

• My first brother-in-law Dan.  I always felt like he and I grew up together.  I was 19 when I met his brother Gene; Dan was 18.  Both of us just kids.  For the first couple years of my marriage, he was at our place so much that it was if he was living with us - we even asked him to pay for food.  After Gene died and I remarried, I didn't see much of Dan until my son Will moved back to L.A.  Dan was then in and out of Will's life for several years.  I don't even remember the last time I saw him.  His mental and physical health went into a severe decline and he ended up in a nursing home.  His death left a small empty feeling inside of me.  I started to realize that I was losing the people who knew me when I was young; first Gene and then Dan.
• My brother-in-law Ray.  Sad because I had just met him.  He lived in Windsor, Ontario and we lived in L.A.  He never came to L.A. and we never went to Windsor.  Last June he finally came to California along with Gerry (Dennis' younger brother) and their cousins Juanita and Cheryl to visit my sister-in-laws Pat and Joan in Windsor, CA.  So we drove up and to see everyone.  Dennis hadn't seen Juanita or Ray in over 25 years and had never met Cheryl (Juanita's daughter).  We had a wonderful time and it was so good for Dennis to re-connect with his family.  We promised to visit Windsor, Ontario in 2014 and will be traveling there in May.  However, Ray passed away in October.
• Our friend Harry.  Harry was 95.  He hired Dennis in 2010 to drive him to his "work."  Harry was a very active 95.  He volunteered 5 days a week at a couple of different places.  His favorite one was reading to grade school kids.  Harry made us feel like family.  For the first year, he included us in dinners with his son and daughter-in-law, we spent New Year's Eve 2011 with them and in August of 2011 we moved in with him as his family didn't want him living alone.  We came to view Harry like a father and we were, according to him, part of his family.  He opened his home to our kids and grand kids.  For many reasons, we moved back to our apartment in Oct. 2012 but Harry still treated us like family.  Dinners, Thanksgiving, plays, etc.  The last time I saw him was on October 31, 2013 when I dropped by so he could see our granddaughter Kaylee in her costume.  He died on the following Sunday.  It felt like my parents had died again.
• And the one that hit me the hardest was Don.  Don, Gene's best friend.  Don, who got me through Gene's illness and death.  Don who for so many reasons, left San Diego and moved to Portland, OR.  I lost touch with Don, I tried for the first few years to reach out to him.  But for some reason he never reached out to me.  Every so often, I'd google him because he was an artist and I knew he was showing in a gallery in Oregon.  So I would see some of his work but never spoke to him.  I thought of him often.  And then he died in 2013.  I didn't find out until this year. His big painting Parade hangs on my living room wall.  Two smaller ones have been on my office walls.  Now a third person who knew me way back when - I met him when I was 19 has left me.  The empty feeling in my heart has gotten bigger.