Early morning

I get up early.  Sometimes too early.  But I am a morning person, I wake right up, ready to go.  Unlike some other people - Dennis takes at least a 1/2 an hour and a cup of coffee to wake up.  

I do love the early morning, that quiet time before the rest of the city wakes up.

When I lived in San Diego I would get up early and sit on the porch, breathe in the clean air, it would be quiet and sometimes very cool but it was so peaceful. 

When I was in graduate school I would go to bed at about 8pm and get up at 3 or 4am to study or write papers.  That was when it was quiet enough for me to concentrate.  Dennis would still be sleeping and there were no distracting noises from the rest of the apartment building.  

Early morning was also my favorite time when we went camping.   To be the first one up in a camp ground was so nice.  The air was fresh, cool and crisp.  The birds singing and sometimes I'd get a glimpse of a deer or two.  Then I'd start breakfast, putting on the coffee for Gene, boiling water for me and Will to have hot chocolate.  But mostly just enjoying the true beauty of the woods and nature.

I get up early to walk most days at 6:30am with my friend Adrienne.  The sun has only been up for about 1/2 hour and it's a good time to walk before there are lots of cars on the street.  

And sometimes I get up too early.  At 3am or 4am.  I have had problems sleeping for many years, ever since Gene got sick.  But still even then I don't usually mind.  The quiet is so nice especially when one's everyday working world is full lots of talking especially on the telephone.  So I usually enjoy this quiet time.  Just me and the cats - well they usually only want me to feed them and then they go back to sleep.  Sometimes I can fall back to sleep but most often I get up and read.  Or I'll pay bills, file paperwork, clean off my desk, do some writing here, something productive.

Then all too soon, it's time to get ready to go to work.  

Holidays

For me holidays are bittersweet.  I miss my parents much more during this time.  For several years Thanksgiving included my parents, Dennis' mom, my cousin Lana and her son Matthew, my aunt Rochelle and cousin Mark, sometimes Will would come up from San Diego (but no too often because he doesn't like Thanksgiving much).  Occasionally my brother and a friend or two would join us as well.

Mom, Dad, Roseanne, Rochelle, and Mark are gone now.

So it's just the 5 of us - Den, me, Will, Melissa and Kaylee.  

Makes me a bit sad.

My brother goes to his ex-wife's or ex-brother-in-law's house (don't ask).

My cousin works part-time at JC Penney's so has to be at work by 4:45pm today!  Which seems so unfair to me.  Since she lives in the valley we would have had to have Thanksgiving breakfast for her to join us.  Matthew has his own friends to spend time with now that he's 24.

But I am looking forward to Hanukkah and Christmas because all the kids will be here. 

And we're going to celebrate our 25th anniversary on December 17th with a dinner party.

But still, I miss the big family celebrations from my childhood.  Highlight wasn't the turkey it was putting the black olives on our fingers with my cousin Lana and giggling like crazy!

Hope everyone had a great day.

ER Thoughts

The first time I went to an ER was when Will was a toddler and he grabbed a hot cup on coffee on himself and got a second degree burn.  It was a small local hospital and we were the only ones there until the police brought in a guy who they had arrested with a gun shot wound.  Wasn't too bad that trip.

The next time I had to go to the ER was the day we found out that Gene's cancer had progressed.  I remember getting ready to go to a celebration, I think it was one of my friend Mage's daughters' wedding reception. I'm not sure.  At this time, Gene had already been diagnosed with cancer and we were waiting for him to get a assessment to see if the lung that didn't have the cancer was strong enough to support him.  He was in bed and said, "I can't breath, please don't go to the party."  So instead of celebrating, I found myself sitting in the Kaiser ER waiting room.  They had taken Gene into the back and all of a sudden I look up and see my primary care doctor coming towards me.  I think to myself, this isn't good.  And it wasn't.  

For the next several months there were lots of trips to the ER until the final one.  And then he was gone.

The August after Gene died, Will was trying to help me out at home by hanging some miniblinds.  He got frustrated and put his hand through the window.  So off to the ER we went -- the same one that I had taken Gene to when we got the diagnosis telling us he didn't have a year or two live but just a few months.  Will felt so bad for me because he knew how difficult it was for me to be in that place.

Dennis has had to go to the ER a couple of times for a variety of issues throughout the years; shingles, extremely painful hives, a severely swollen ankle (well that time the PGA tournament people made us go, they even drove us -- he fell into a small hole on the Rivera Country Club Golf Course while we were at a tournament), etc.  

I have also accompanied my mother, my mother-in-law and older family friends to various ER's. And  even had my turn when I feel and broke my shoulder.  

So this last trip with Dennis while scary, didn't make me feel as fragile as the first few times after Gene died.  I guess I'm tougher then I thought I was.

And by the way, there were a couple of very cute paramedics there - one could have been in the movies.  The doctor that treated Dennis wasn't too shabby either.  But why are they all only 12 years old?